I'm in favor of natural selection. If you can't live in your current condition without prolonged medical aid, you can go on and die. This includes: people in comas, people who are too fat to move (remember that Jerry Springer?), and Keith Richards.

I'm in favor of people's right to throw away their lives however they want to. If people want to do heroin or race their cars down deserted mountain roads without seatbelts, let 'em. The government has no right to tell people how they can and cannot die.

I'm in favor of legalizing drugs. See above.

I'm in favor of corrupting the youth. Might as well go on and get it over with. Has to happen sometime.

I'm in favor of sex and violence on TV. I like to watch people get beat up. I like to watch scantily clad women cover each other in canola oil. Sue me.

I'm in favor of eating whatever you want in whatever amount you want whenever you want. Every time someone tells me "Oh, that's not good for you!" or "Murderer! You killed that [insert animal here]," I feel like screaming, "I'm the top of the food chain, baby! I'll eat what I want!"

I'm in favor of the brutal beating of Joel Schumaker, but that's another story.

I'm in favor of the death penalty. I think it should be televised. You could make serious money by putting that on pay-per-view. That money could go towards paying back for the untold thousands of dollars that was wasted by keeping that waste of skin in a nice prison cell for a dozen years or more.

I'm completely in favor of making a mockery of things that most people hold dear. I try to make a mockery of at least one highly revered thing each day. Nothing is sacred. Nothing. I reserve the right to make fun of anything or anyone for any reason, just as I will respect other people's right to make fun of me for whatever reason they choose.

I'm in favor of any group that pushes at the bounds of reasonable society. I may not personally approve of their beliefs or their methods, but these groups keep society from becoming stagnant. Stagnation of a civilization is a deadly thing, and it should be avoided at all costs.

I'm in favor of change.

I'm in favor of people who think for themselves. I'm in favor of doubt and questioning. Never take anything for granted. Never accept what you are told. Doubt, think, question everything. This is the only way that you can ever truly call yourself free. If you take things as they are given to you at the word of others, then you are enslaving yourself to the thoughts of others.

I'm in favor of sex. Well, I would be if I could get any...

I'm in favor of opposing the man.

I'm opposed to oppression of any form.

I'm opposed to stupidity. If you're stupid, learn something! Anything! Honestly people...

I'm opposed to the senseless beating of Joel Schumaker by a band of masked hooligans. I should be allowed to do it.

I'm opposed to me having children. I don't like children. I really, really don't.